I could have mohawked her pubes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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