Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
