Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
