dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
