Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
