At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
