I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
