Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize