I got chris browned last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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