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Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just pee around me
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