Don't make out with my wife yet
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
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i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off