Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived