At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
