just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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