you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
