I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
