wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
