Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
