I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
