My cat gives me a boner
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
