Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
