And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
