I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
