Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
