just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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