Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
