I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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