So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
