that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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