I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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