put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
