wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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