He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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