why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
