The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
