the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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