Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
