So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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