Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i think my cat just said my name.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize