dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
