I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
