this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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