You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
