I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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