Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
