our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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