Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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