Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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