there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
