Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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