I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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