So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
