So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
