I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
