He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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