he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
