You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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