I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
