So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
