no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
