Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's like heaven, but drunker
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need to calm my uterus...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
