A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
