Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
