I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
