Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
