I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
