I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
