My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
