what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
