This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
