can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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