I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
