ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
