You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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